|An Open Letter
||[Feb. 10th, 2007|10:41 am]
Dear Body Police,
It has come to my attention that being fat is great (with caveats)! I've heard a lot of noise from your camp lately telling me that my fat body is only acceptable if I'm healthy. And, as an interested party, I'd like very much to discuss the specifics of your guidelines so that I can get a better idea of how I too can be a Healthy Fat Person™.
From what I understand, a fat person is a beautiful person worthy of love and respect if they've done their part to stay healthy. This means--and please tell me if I'm getting it wrong--that I should do everything I can to reduce my fatness, and if that still doesn't work, then I am allowed to settle into my rotund (but FIT!) body and celebrate it.
Ok! So, I'm assuming exercise is a requirement. That's totally obvi since we all know that at all costs, I should avoid perpetuating vicious stereotypes about fat people being lazy by exercising. After all, I should be an asset to my kind. But what kind of exercise counts? I get shortness of breath during the long walk between my couch and my fridge, so that counts for something, right? Ok, I kid! But really? How many times a week and for how long should I be exercising in order to rid you and everyone else any doubts about my laziness?
Now, let's talk diet. Not that kind of diet, since we all know they fail 90% of the time and don't really work anyway. But still! I should be eating healthy and again, stay away from letting myself be a disgraceful stereotype to my own kind by ingesting foods that are bad for me. My question is, how far should I take it? Should I immediately go on a macrobiotic or raw vegan diet? Or is vegetarian with exceptions for fish ok? What if I'm like, on my period and RILLY craving some cheesy fries and a cupcake? Do I automatically become an Unhealthy Fat Person™ if I cheat once in awhile? Some guidance would be quite helpful here.
Finally, and this is a big one that's been weighing on my mind, what kinds of health conditions render me unqualified for Healthy Fat Person status? I know the obvious ones like aching knees, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol immediately disqualify me, but what about something like an underactive thyroid? You see, my slow metabolism has, in part, contributed to my fatness (which I suppose could put me in the category of Unhealthy Fat, But Not My Fault™), but that could also be a chicken and egg type of question. What about PCOS? That seems like a similar bind to be in. And, not to get all theory-etical or anything, but what if I like, get cancer or something, and doctors discover tomorrow that there's a chance that my fat might have caused it? What if it's only a small chance? Is there a percentage requirement here?
Oh! And, before I go, I've seen you all do such a great job of making sure that people know your positions on healthy vs. unhealthy fat people, but I think maybe we should step it up a little bit and warn the unhealthy ones about the consequences of their harmful decisions. Sure, we all know unhealthy fat people are doomed to early deaths, but I think we could throw in something about being an asset to the community by helping to divorce fat people from stereotypes about twinkies and couches with permanent ass prints in the cushions by being healthier and exercising. These are just some thoughts I had!
Anyway, I realize that I totes just filled up your ear (eyes!) with lots of questions, but you see, I am sick and tired of being one of those Unhealthy Fat People and, with your guidance, I'm ready and willing to step up to the path of righteousness!
Much love and lots of squishy (but FIT!) hugs,
[x-posted to my journal]